I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
