I'm really into asian looking animals
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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