I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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