Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Alive.
So much puke
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
