I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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