If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
