Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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