Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
