im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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