Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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