from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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