I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
