'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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