Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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