I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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