You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
