You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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