I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
