Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
