I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
