omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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