It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
