He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
