Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
