she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
