I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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