I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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