Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
