Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
