3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
