It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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