I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
