Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
