Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Green mimosas i think yes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
