I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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