Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
