Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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