Just cropdusted the office
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
