never play flip cup with pint glasses
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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