Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
