Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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