I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Still dying that you shit outside
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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