Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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