I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
