I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
