honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Even my vagina gasped.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
