i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
