Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
