Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
