I'm pants shitting drunk right now
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
