So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
