I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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